I Don't Have a Walk-Up Song

I don’t.




I’ve tried, but I’ve never been able to make it work.




In situations where other people might find the excess stimulation useful- to get the blood flowing properly to the brain- I find it can send me into a state of overstimulation and unrestrained, chaotic thinking. In short- it's a distraction.




Listening to music has always been a way for me to facilitate the ruminating thoughts I have. Music, a conduit through which I can handle the bombardment of my minds ideas. When I am sitting down to take, placing my fingers on the keys to perform, or stepping onto the block to swim, I need my mind quiet more than anything; I know that the rumination will appear at some point or another, however the less activity I go into a task with, the less activity I endure through it.




If I were to listen to any music- much less music purposefully designed to stimulate me- I’d be flooded with distractions. Every lyric, phrase, or dissonant chord is another distracting picture or fantasy taking away from my brain's ability to function in a streamlined, problem-solving manner. It has taken me a long time to understand this about me, and longer still to cultivate a way of preparing for tests, performances, and the like.




My process seeks to gradually taper my mind's bustling energy down to a quieter murmur. I’ll listen to slower, mellower music in the preceding hours; this helps me calm down and center myself. I may pace around my house as a way of working out the stray thoughts, and then wander my way to a quiet, sheltered corner- most likely my parents ‘library’ adjacent to their room. Then I turn off my phone and store it away somewhere out of sight. No distractions. I scroll through memories of practice exams, timed-writings, worksheets- anything I’ve done to more tangibly prepare. I reassure myself I’ve done everything in my control. I visualize the coming task- opening the computer, logging into AP Central, opening the prompt. I feel the pen in my hand, the tip on paper and the ink running silkily out. I want to feel confidence and assuredness- a state of mind where I am sharp, focused, and tempered.




I know that this is the opposite of what the prompt asked for- a song, tangible, something for the ears to experience. But who am I, if not someone who’s honest about the way they work in the world.